Here we are at the end of day 1 of Project 31. It’s going to be six long months, and occasionally throughout the day I really started to wonder if I was losing my mind!! I opted to start today – June 27 – because it’s my twelfth wedding anniversary. What better time to dedicate myself to a project that’s going to better my marriage?
I have to say, I’m really curious to see where this project takes me. I’ve set some basic goals for myself, but really? I just want to use this time to grow closer to my husband, my daughter and most importantly my Savior.
Now here’s the time for my confession. The past year of my marriage has been rough. Really rough. And there have been times when I don’t particularly like my husband throughout this season. He’s done some things that have made me really mad. (I’ve done some things that have made him really mad.) We’ve had to change our lives in ways that we never expected, and it was a quick overnight change with no time to ease in.
And we’ve had to battle depression. Both of us. (I have referred to iMom’s “What to Do When Your Husband is Depressed” more times than I care to admit. This is one of those things that gave me comfort to know that I was not alone.)
But recently, God has really impressed on my heart that just because you’re angry with someone? Doesn’t mean that you stop loving them.
Here’s the thing. My husband is not a believer. (Wow, sometimes? That’s really hard to admit.) Why does that embarrass me so much? I know that it shouldn’t. I don’t have to answer for him, but I am called to love him. I am called to be an example of Christ in our house so that he might be won over – 1 Corinthians 7:13-14. (Today’s Christian Woman has one of my favorite articles about this, 6 Ways to Love Your Unbelieving Husband.)
So I feel like I have my work cut out for me here! I haven’t been a very good example of Christ in my house. Sure, I work at a church. I take my daughter to Awana. I’m a Youth Group Leader. I read my Bible daily. I blog openly about my faith. I post about it on Instagram and Facebook. I listen to Christian Music. I run Life Groups and Bible Studies. I wear the t-shirts. And the bracelets. But am I really living out the gospel? Sadly? I think my answer is more often “no”.
I am quick to anger at my husband. Slow to forgive. I find myself getting annoyed over things when I know I have no control. I roll my eyes. I mumble under my breath. Overall? I am far from respectful, when I know that’s all my husband wants. I know that Christ has called me to love him, to respect him and to honor him. So why do I fight it so hard? Why am I so selfish and lost in my own desires? I truly hope that this journey will help me figure that out!
Now that my confessions are out there? I feel like I can jump start this project!
Today? I spent the day loving my husband. I am leaving on a “Girl’s Road Trip” tomorrow with a friend and our daughters, leaving him home alone for the rest of the week. So I gathered the things he needs for a few appointments, put them in folders and labeled them well. I left notes with how to do the few things I normally do that he doesn’t. I left the fridge stocked. I set him up for success this week!
And then? Being our anniversary? I put away the technology. (My biggest vice, I must admit!) And I spent the evening with him. Just him. (He’s in bed now, so I feel like I can sneak away to type a bit!) But all-in-all? I’d say Day #1 of Project 31 was a big success!
This Post is part of a bigger blog series, Project 31: My journey to find the Proverbs 31 woman.